Yes, you read that right! If you know me, you know I like to keep it as real as possible so here it goes…
My marriage was under a little distress these last few weeks… Not that it was anything too bad but we were balancing everything else and it seemed like our marriage was that thing that seemed to go lacking. The kids have been our #1 priority ( as they should be), Virtual learning, Work, and a few other things seemed to come first but allowing our marriage to flourish wasn’t happening. As a pregnant woman, I (speaking for myself) need and desire all the attention I could get during this time and I wasn’t getting it. I tried talking to husbae but either he wasn’t paying any attention or he really just didn’t get what I was saying. I distance myself so I wouldn’t have to drop kick him in the neck lol.. I said if I go to him again, he’s going to say I’m nagging so I’ll just leave him alone until I can ease my way back and gently approach him again. I didn’t want to nut up on the man so I had to be strategic in my next approach.
I really felt like my husband was like this is baby #4, so she’s good! But I wanted all of the attention and felt like I deserved it! I mean I am carrying his baby for the 4th time. Pregnancy is a lot and with my toddler running around, it’s really overwhelming to say the least. I eventually went back to him with a low key attitude and communicated that I felt neglected and overlooked. I honestly don’t think it was intentional on his end but chile homeboy was not here mentally and I was tired of it!! We talked and I cried while I expressed exactly how I felt because I needed him and wanted his attention. We sort of reconciled and moved on….
The next day…. he had the kids ready and he was dressed. I asked where they were going and he then told me to get dressed because he was taking me out on a date and that the sitter was already on the way. Let’s just say, I’ve been happy ever since:-) He took me to get a Mani/Pedi (which was much needed) and we went to Dinner at Red Lobster because I was craving those wonderful cheddar bay biscuits and the same exact meal I had a few weeks prior.
Husbae listened to my heart and we talked and enjoyed each other’s company WITHOUT the kids!! Something we hadn’t done in months so I’m already thinking about another evening with just us before we become a family of 6!
I’ve learned throughout these 13 years together, that effective communication is key! Even if it has to be repeated because some of these men (mine included) need you to say it at least twice for them to fully hear you… Inserts eye roll…. Communicating can be hard for me at times because sometimes my voice gets loud out of nowhere which then seems like I’m yelling when I’m really just trying to get my message across. Then I cry and I don’t like for him to feel like I’m weak when that happens so I tend to stay away from having those tough conversations when I’m upset. I’m still a work in progress… lol… Our marriage is not perfect and has never been! We are constantly putting forth an effort everyday to be who and what we need to be for each other. But honestly there are days that I am looking at him like I can’t believe he’s all mine and then there are days that I want to be like Ms. Sophia from the Color Purple and bash Misters head in and think about heaven later;-)
My only thought to leave with you in this post is to have those tough conversations even when its uncomfortable for you. Especially while pregnant because you’re already hormonal and you have to free yourself of anything that can potentially stress you out. Don’t allow things to fester because bitterness and resentment will set in and that takes everything to another extreme. Marriage is tough sometimes and Pregnancy can be as well. So, when its all said and done, I try to give him the same Grace that I want and need too!
Thanks for reading,
Martina