My oldest became an official teenager in March of this year and it has definitely been a journey. I get emotional every time I think about her growing up! This journey of her developing into her own person hasn’t been bad but it has definitely had its challenges. When I found out she was a girl I was SO excited. I couldn’t wait to dress her up, play dolls with her, and do all the things moms and daughters do. We did all of that and more but nothing couldv’e prepared me for this season of my life! I really miss her being my “little” girl but I’m embracing her becoming a young woman.
We both are new to this. She’s growing up and although I’m very emotional that my baby is not a baby anymore, I’m learning to be ok with it! Nothing really prepared me for this stage of her life. And to be completely honest, it was rough, and sometimes it still is. I’m trying to navigate around wanting to yell, take her phone and hide it until she turns 18, and zip her lips shut when she gets the idea to keep talking back. Parenting a teenager is hard but I’ve learned that it doesn’t have to be.
So, I wanted to share a few things that have helped me grow closer to her and create a trustworthy bond because this teenage thing can be very intimidating.
Self-Discovery & Affirmation
1.) We clashed a lot at the beginning because she was changing and didn’t understand it and she struggled with how to communicate her feelings. Learning to approach me about “big girl stuff” was difficult at first too. Honestly, it really started around the age of 11 or 12. So, exploring different aspects of her personality, style, likes/dislikes, etc. I wanted her to know that it was ok to be different. I reminded her constantly that she didn’t have to be or dress like other girls or follow a trend. I had to affirm her and reassure her that being yourself is a great thing. Giving her that reassurance and being ok with the things she liked really opened the door for our bond.
Don’t take it Personal
2.) Hormones and emotions will be out of this world!! Sometimes she’s said some hurtful things, told some little white lies, walk around with a whole attitude because she’s mad about something, and has even pushed me away and just didn’t want to be bothered with me or the rest of the family. Guess what? It’s normal! It’s a part of growing up and you just can’t take it personally. This is something I had to work on. Let it be known, I do expect her to be respectful at all times but just like I have bad days and don’t want to be bothered sometimes, I have to remember she will have those days as well. So, I try not to take it personal and improve in some areas as well!
Be Intentional
2.) What does your child show interest in? Pour into that! Show interest! Invest in whatever it is they like at the moment to show that you hear them and care about their current interest. For example, my daughter loves makeup and she wants to be an actress. Although she isn’t allowed to wear makeup outside of the home (if she wears it, it’s very minimal) I buy it for her often. Why? Because she loves it and it’s not doing her or anyone else around her any harm. She wants to be an actress so we allowed her to be in Drama at her school and even though I don’t like the extra driving a few days a week, I do it so she’ll know that I hear her and care about her future. Plus, it’s a free investment! It’s at no cost to me to allow her to participate. Sometimes it’s the little things!
Allow room for open dialogue or communication
3.) In order for trust to be built in this mother/daughter relationship. Trust had to be established. And yes trust needs to be established in the relationship! Your teenager needs to feel like they can trust that mom won’t tell the whole world her business. I would jokingly say things to certain friends or mention things that I thought weren’t that big of a deal and she actually told me she doesn’t like when I would do that. I had to change how I viewed her. She’s literally growing up and she wanted to feel like she could trust me with what she tells me.
Another part of our open communication is that I am also always asking her how I can be better, if I’ve done anything to hurt her, or is there anything you want to tell me or talk about? And if she’s done something I don’t like or approve of, I’ll let her know how I feel as well. It’s really important to me that I keep that door of communication open! Being concerned and interested goes a long way. I did have to work on being overbearing because I can do the complete most sometimes lol but I just want to make she’s good and that I’m raising a respectful young lady.
Have Grace!
4.) Don’t forget you were once a teenager and had your own attitude and struggles! Not much to say here but just reflect on what it took for you. I go back and think about how I was as a teen, what I wish my parents would’ve done or how I wanted to be treated and I go from there. I even tell her to extend grace to me sometimes because this is new for me too!
Remember you’re still the parent: Let me start by saying that I don’t have it all together and I’m constantly learning how to be a mom to a teenager! I refuse to let her walk over me or talk to me like she forgot I was her mom (inserts side eye) but It’s been difficult trying to navigate through a journey that I’ve never been in and it’s been hard because I struggle with trying to be so many things to her and for her. These new teenagers will definitely humble you and allow you to grow as a mom, parent, friend, and overall human being. They have questions and want to get their point across and I’m learning to respect that but even in that, the relationship needs balance. You know what it takes for you and your child, so just do what works for you!
Mama’s: I’m wishing you the best so let’s grow together on this journey and be what we need to be for our teens!!
